Turtlepop! #3 "Secret Empire"

Always operating on PEDs. Completely unapologetic.

STORY RECAP: TURTLE IS SARCASTIC! PROCEED WITH NONSENSICAL INTERVIEW!

Comics Reader: So, we're back.
Turtle: Are we pretending we're consistent with how this feature began?

Comics Reader: Hey, I ask the questions!
Turtle: Apparently not.

Comics Reader: So anyway, the Captain America Is An Agent of Hydra story is still going on, almost a year later?
Turtle: True.  This is happening because Marvel had not yet glimpsed the scope of the backlash to literally its every creative decision for the past five years.

Comics Reader: How is that even possible?
Turtle: Marvel has been operating on recreational narcotics for fifty years.  Next question!

Comics Reader: So Secret Empire is a whole event based on a terrible idea that should never have seen the light of day?
Turtle: Of course it is!

Comics Reader: I remember we were a lot more flippant about this last time.
Turtle: I remember pretending to be the writer of a terrible Marvel stunt idea the first time.  But that was dropped the second time.

Comics Reader: Wait, you were pretending to be Dan Slott the first time?
Turtle: Yes.

Comics Reader: But you didn't want to play Nick Spencer the second time?
Turtle: No.

Comics Reader: Care to elaborate?
Turtle: No!  Although I think it's funny how in some of these interviews the respondent goes on and on, and in others the questioner goes on and on.  I like to strike a balance.  You're welcome!

Comics Reader: As the one asking questions, I should be neutral?
Turtle: Oh, good heavens no!  Wear your bias on your sleeve!

Comics Reader: I'm a DC guy. 
Turtle: Clearly.

Comics Reader: Notice that in this completely erratic series of features they've all been about Marvel ideas.
Turtle: It's the House of Ideas!

Comics Reader: But we hardly discuss the ideas.
Turtle: Yes.

Comics Reader: Anything you'd like to add?
Turtle: Good day, sir!