Turtlepop! #4 "Tom King Pulled From Superman Giant???"

Drunk on tequila and lust for world conquest.

THOUGHT BUBBLE COMICS: Is it true that we're apparently breaking a world exclusive?
TURTLE: Insofar as nobody chatters about the Walmart 100-Page Giants?  Yes.

THOUGHT BUBBLE READER: So when you performed a search, you came up with the same results?
TURTLE: Are we circling around to explaining what we're talking about?  I hope so.  This format is weird.  And used too infrequently.  Apparently the last one was in 2017.  Also, yes.

THOUGHT BUBBLE READER: Okay, so to quit burying the lead, I just picked up the latest issue of Superman 100-Page Giant, #11, at Walmart, and discovered that Tom King's serialized "Up in the Sky" wasn't in it.  What's up with that?
TURTLE: Can only speculate, dude.  Walmart and/or DC might've decided that the controversial "Lois Lane died a million times" installment was too much bad publicity.

THOUGHT BUBBLE COMICS: But will King's story get to be completed?
TURTLE: Maybe?  DC's releasing a version of it in comics shop beginning in July.

THOUGHT BUBBLE COMICS: Basically you don't know?
TURTLE: ...Basically I don't know.

THOUGHT BUBBLE COMICS: Crazy that one of the hottest commodities in comics is writing something that nobody is chattering about?
TURTLE: Totes crazy, dude.

THOUGHT BUBBLE COMICS: Weren't you originally designed to be crazy sarcastic?
TURTLE: Yes, Steve Orlando writes the comic replacing King in Superman 100-Page Giant #11.

THOUGHT BUBBLE COMICS: That has nothing to do with what I asked.
TURTLE: It was still relevant.

THOUGHT BUBBLE COMICS: True.  Thoughts?
TURTLE: Steve's become a favorite of mine, so I guess I'm happy, if anyone has to unexpectedly replace King, in the middle of a story (a great story), it might as well be Steve Orlando.

THOUGHT BUBBLE COMICS: Is it true that Andy Kubert accidentally shot the inker and that's why the King comic didn't get published?
TURTLE: This has taken a strange turn.

THOUGHT BUBBLE COMICS: Can you just answer the question?
TURTLE: Yes.

THOUGHT BUBBLE COMICS: Yes, as in, "Yes, Andy Kubert shot the inker," or "Yes, I will answer the question?
TURTLE: Yes.

THOUGHT BUBBLE COMICS: Helpful as always, Turtle!  Thanks for stopping by!
TURTLE: My pleasure! 

Turtlepop! #3 "Secret Empire"

Always operating on PEDs. Completely unapologetic.

STORY RECAP: TURTLE IS SARCASTIC! PROCEED WITH NONSENSICAL INTERVIEW!

Comics Reader: So, we're back.
Turtle: Are we pretending we're consistent with how this feature began?

Comics Reader: Hey, I ask the questions!
Turtle: Apparently not.

Comics Reader: So anyway, the Captain America Is An Agent of Hydra story is still going on, almost a year later?
Turtle: True.  This is happening because Marvel had not yet glimpsed the scope of the backlash to literally its every creative decision for the past five years.

Comics Reader: How is that even possible?
Turtle: Marvel has been operating on recreational narcotics for fifty years.  Next question!

Comics Reader: So Secret Empire is a whole event based on a terrible idea that should never have seen the light of day?
Turtle: Of course it is!

Comics Reader: I remember we were a lot more flippant about this last time.
Turtle: I remember pretending to be the writer of a terrible Marvel stunt idea the first time.  But that was dropped the second time.

Comics Reader: Wait, you were pretending to be Dan Slott the first time?
Turtle: Yes.

Comics Reader: But you didn't want to play Nick Spencer the second time?
Turtle: No.

Comics Reader: Care to elaborate?
Turtle: No!  Although I think it's funny how in some of these interviews the respondent goes on and on, and in others the questioner goes on and on.  I like to strike a balance.  You're welcome!

Comics Reader: As the one asking questions, I should be neutral?
Turtle: Oh, good heavens no!  Wear your bias on your sleeve!

Comics Reader: I'm a DC guy. 
Turtle: Clearly.

Comics Reader: Notice that in this completely erratic series of features they've all been about Marvel ideas.
Turtle: It's the House of Ideas!

Comics Reader: But we hardly discuss the ideas.
Turtle: Yes.

Comics Reader: Anything you'd like to add?
Turtle: Good day, sir!

Turtlepop! #2 "Captain America: Steve Rogers #1"

PLEASE DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU WANT SPOILERS.

AGAIN, SPOILER ALERT.

ALSO, TURTLE DOES NOT RESPECT ANYTHING.  I JUST THOUGHT YOU SHOULD BE FOREWARNED.

Comics Reader: Turtle, there seems to be some controversy surrounding the decision to reveal in Captain America: Steve Rogers #1 that Steve was an agent of Hydra all along.
Turtle: True, that absolutely just happened!

Comics Reader: Do you feel that this was nothing but a shameless publicity stunt?
Turtle: Absolutely not!  Wacky things happening in comics have been happening from the very start!  For instance, did you know that none of these characters, technically, actually exist?

Comics Reader: Come on, Turtle, please try to take this seriously.
Turtle: As seriously as rabid comic book fans?  Why in the world would I do that?

Comics Reader: Because, well, rabid comic book fans do take this stuff seriously.  They'll read this news like it's the end of the world.
Turtle: And that's my problem, why?

Comics Reader: Because.
Turtle: What an argument!

Comics Reader: You know as well as I do that rabid comic book fans take this sort of thing like it's a matter of life and death.
Turtle: That's their problem, man, not mine.

Comics Reader: Remind me again why I interview you for these things?
Turtle: Actually, I'm just flattered that you remembered I exist!  We haven't done one of these since the first one.

Comics Reader: Remind me again about the topic?
Turtle: Two words: Doctor Spider-Man.

Comics Reader: Ah.  Right.
Turtle: We should have done one of these for Commissioner Batman.  And yet we didn't.  What's up with that?

Comics Reader: My bad.
Turtle: Of course it is!

Comics Reader: I see what you did there.
Turtle: Sure you did.  This interview's over, jerk.

Turtlepop! #1 "Amazing Spider-Man #700"

(via freeturtlepictures.com and maybe Kelley Jones)

Turtlepop!

(Turtlepop twists current Internet buzz topics by representing the relevant creator, in this instance Dan Slott, into the guise of Turtle, whom we then proceed to interview.)

PLEASE DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU WANT SPOILERS.

AGAIN, SPOILER ALERT.

TURTLE DOES NOT RESPECT ANYTHING!

Comics Reader: Turtle, there's been great controversy surrounding Amazing Spider-Man recently.  In #698, Dr. Octopus switches bodies with Peter Parker.

Turtle: True.  They switch bodies.  Peter Parker being Spider-Man and Dr. Octopus being PURE EVIL, this is bad.  Which is why the idea is so ridiculously awesome.

Comics Reader: Contextually speaking, this is exactly what Dr. Octopus would love, isn't it?

Turtle: Absolutely!  The poor dude has been an invalid since "Brand New Day," the popular creative reboot that followed J. Michael Straczynski's "One More Day," which eliminated Peter's marriage to MJ and made him literally swingin' single again.  "Brand New Day" lasted for a few years, but eventually "Big Time" came along, for which I was solely responsible, in which Peter finally got everything he ever wanted, including a successful career with a tech firm.

Comics Reader: However, no girlfriend.

Turtle: Girlfriends have no place for a guy who is better at making wisecracks than dinner!

Comics Reader: So what you're saying is that anyone who is wondering what's going on with Amazing Spider-Man #700 should remember that Dr. Octopus has been an invalid for several years now.

Turtle: No, you said that, probably to get this interview back on track.

Comics Reader: True!

Turtle: There was no question there.  Despite dying for a really long time, Dr. Octopus never gave up being a villain.  I guess I might as well take the initiative here.  That's where we're at.  Readers should remember that.

Comics Reader: There are rumors that Dr. Octopus will emerge as the permanent new Spider-Man at the end of #700.

Turtle: There are also rumors that Aunt May will dance the jitterbug, and that will absolutely happen, too, and everyone will forget it.  The point is, Superior Spider-Man is going to be the start of a bold new era, one that I am extremely proud of.  I've been waiting to tell this story for years.

Comics Reader: With Peter Parker?

Turtle: With Spider-Man!  Brian Bendis has been writing Spider-Man for several years now without Peter Parker, and you don't hear people complaining.

Comics Reader: Possibly because Ultimate Spider-Man is a pocket continuity?

Turtle: In a weird kind of way, that was a question.  Congratulations.

Comics Reader: What do you say to readers who will say that regardless of what wacky things you do in the next several months, Peter Parker will return and be Spider-Man again?  

Turtle: I tell them that turtles are the ultimate speed bump.

Comics Reader: Contextually speaking, that makes no sense.

Turtle: Exactly!  What I'm saying is, read this stuff.  It's big!  It's noteworthy!  It's historic!

Comics Reader: Amazing Spider-Man #700 is being released on 12/26/12.  Any concern that some fans will be too busy on their Christmas high to notice?

Turtle: No.  Any other questions?

Comics Reader: Favorite wax?

Turtle: This interview is over!